


Contrition

by saracenknows



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-21 00:05:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4807361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saracenknows/pseuds/saracenknows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Fitz had told her that there would come a time when they would regret the decision to go into the field, Jemma had shrugged it off, talking of the excitement and the opportunity. They would have been fools to turn it down. </p>
<p>Later she would see that he was right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contrition

When Fitz had told her that there would come a time when they would regret the decision to go into the field, Jemma had shrugged it off, talking of the excitement and the opportunity. They would have been fools to turn it down. 

It was only their second operation when Fitz reminded her of that prediction. And yes, it was absolutely terrifying, but it was also exhilarating. Her heart was beating faster than it ever had and she was almost shaking from the adrenaline that was shooting through her veins. It was absolutely the most terrifying thing that had ever happened to her, but when they were all safe, sat on the edge of the cargo hold with a couple of beers, watching the rocket launch, she could easily say that she didn't regret her decision. They were safe, they had survived, they had won. Fitz was by her side and rambling on about the practicalities of the rocket's trajectory and she had never been happier. 

-

Sitting against the door to the lab, Fitz on the other side of the glass, she knew that he had been right. An alien virus was spreading through her as she sat there, time was ticking away, and it was taking every ounce of courage she had left to say sitting up, to keep her body from shaking, to not cry. Fitz was doing the best he could, but neither of them had been prepared for this. Neither of them had expected to be faced with this. 

She had two hours to find an anti-serum. Just two hours, and yet she was sat on the floor staring into space. She didn't have enough time, she didn't even know where to start.

The glass was cold against her back, blocking her from Fitz's warmth. 

When Fitz had come into the lab, it had hurt more than anything. She had never cared more about anyone, never loved anyone as much as she loved him and the realisation hit her in a whirlwind of emotion. She couldn't breathe. 

She needed to hold him, to collapse against him and have him collapse against her. She wasn't sure her mouth would work, her throat was too dry to form words but she needed him to know. She needed to show him, to grab his hands or wrap her arms around his neck, to pull him close to her and not let go. But she couldn't. He was already at risking everything for her. She couldn't touch him. 

He told her that they would fix it together and she thought she might break.

For a moment they had thought they'd done it. Found an anti-serum, solved the problem, saved her life and maybe countless others. Together they had done it because together, they could do anything. 

Then a pulse of light. A shaking breath. 

They hadn't done it. 

They were out of time. 

Fitz wasn't giving up. Not now, not yet, not ever. Jemma knew him better than she knew anyone in the world and she knew that he wasn't giving in. Not if he cared about her as much as she did for him. He did, she knew that. He did. He would give his life for her, about that she had no doubt.

They were running out of time. 

To the door. Instructions. Tell her dad first, her mum would take it better coming from him. Don't think about it, don't think about their faces. Don't.

A moment alone with Fitz. For final goodbyes, only Fitz would never accept them. Not now, he wasn't giving up yet. He wasn't giving up, period. 

She couldn't say goodbye, he wouldn't let her. Even if he would, she wasn't sure she could manage it. There was far too much to say and she didn't have the words or the time. 

Things that could only be said in actions, in clutching at him desperately and refusing to let go.

But she couldn't touch him and she had to let go. How cruel that she be robbed of her last goodbye.

The last thing she would ever do would be an act of violence. She had never hit him before. The first would be the last. 

She couldn't look at him. Only she had to. One last time, one last look. 

She leaned backwards.

-

It wasn't the same as it had been all that time ago, with the virus. There was no desperation, working furiously to find a solution. Just a numb acceptance. 

They hadn't looked for a way out. Or maybe Fitz had, before she woke up, but looking into his eyes she knew that this was it. Not point in even trying. 

It wasn't pain like it had been before, trying to find an anti-serum. This was more of a dull ache, a gnawing cry that it just wasn't fair. Brief flares of intense pain, every time she met Fitz's eyes.

They were together, at the very least. It was fitting, in a way. Beside his side was where she had really started living; it was only right that that was where she should die. They were calm. They were scared, but not like they had ever been before. No sharp terror, no frantic breathing, no increased heart rate. They just sat and talked. The first law of thermodynamics. 

They were both just energy, in the end. 

Still. Look out the window, not at him. Not at Fitz. That still hurt. Even with the numbing acceptance, it still hurt to look at him and know that soon she would never look at him again. 

They hadn't been trying to find a solution. It had been an accident, a realisation that maybe, just maybe, there was a way out of this. 

Later, she would wonder if it would have been better if they had just died down there.


End file.
